forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
