I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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