My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
