This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
