We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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