Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
