Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
