Sponge bath it is.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
