We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
