This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
