i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
this is an emotional support booty call
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
