ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Girls should come with a carfax report
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
This beer is not sobering me up at all
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Holy sore nipples Batman
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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