I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
