Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
