he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
