How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
