There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
