I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
