Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
