I should be sponsored by Trojan
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
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