I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
