I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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