Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
