Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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