she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
