OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You smell like stripper and shame
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Randomize
