I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
two words: eviction party
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
