I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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