Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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