How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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