YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
