I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
