the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
