go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
