speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
