my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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