Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
