In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
