Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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