Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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