..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
