butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
