ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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