I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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