I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
