a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
