Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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