Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
