How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
When are your genitals available?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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