And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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