just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
