I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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